The Princess and the Park Ranger

by Sandra L. Vasher

Once upon a time, a princess lived in a terribly dangerous kingdom called The Neighborhood. Now, every day in The Neighborhood, adults complained about money, children were bullied, and everyone agreed The Neighborhood was going downhill. Even the park—which had once been safe—was now a treacherous wood.

But the princess was determined to improve her kingdom, and she asked her two advisers, Fox and Bear, what they thought she should do, for they had been in The Neighborhood longer than anyone could remember.

Fox had no opinion. “For I do not understand humans,” he said.

Bear, however, knew about humans from their trash. He said, “The Grounds Keeper talks about how he can make the park safe again. Hire him to be the Park Ranger.”

“What qualifications does the Grounds Keeper have to be a Park Ranger?” the princess asked. “Our grounds are grass. The park is mostly trees.”

“Grass and leaves are similarly green,” Bear said. “And anyway, humans usually hire men to do things they aren’t qualified for.”

So, the princess hired the Grounds Keeper to become the Park Ranger, and soon the Park Ranger was riding through the park on a lawn mower, cutting down anything that grew too high.

The next day, Fox brought Mouse to the princess because Mouse was in trouble. “Mrs. Fussy kicked Mouse out of her house,” Fox said. “Now Mouse is homeless.”

Bear, who was often lingering around, said, “Don’t you eat mice?” and Mouse quivered.

Fox scoffed. “If Mouse dies today, what will I have to eat tomorrow?”

The princess, however, was benevolent. “Don’t despair, Mouse!” she cried, and then she had an idea. “The Park Ranger is doing a good job. Let’s go to him. He will know what to do.”

Then Bear, Fox, Mouse, and the princess went together to the path that led down to the park, and just before they stepped onto the path, Fox pointed his nose in another direction.

“Look, princess, there is a second path leading up and away from The Neighborhood. Should we see what’s there?”

“Oh, no,” the princess said. “We need help from the Park Ranger. And anyway, that path looks very dark. I’m too afraid.”

Fox licked his paw and said, “Why are humans afraid of what they can’t see? If you had a better snout, you could smell real danger.”

Still, the princess was determined. So, they took the path down to the park and found the Park Ranger riding on his lawn mower, and he looked very happy.

He stopped for the princess and said, “Your Highness, see all the dead trees I’ve already removed? Soon, the park will be perfect, and everyone will see what a beautiful job I’ve done.”

“That’s good,” the princess said. “But today I need your help. You see, Mouse, here, has lost his home.”

“That is a problem,” the Park Ranger said. “Because you see, I made a law. No homeless mice in the park.”

“Then what should we do with Mouse?” the princess asked.

The Park Ranger puckered his lips and thought intensely about the problem for almost a minute, then he held one finger up. “I know what! There’s a street between The Neighborhood  and the kingdom one over. Take Mouse to that kingdom. There are plenty of houses there.”

The princess felt heartened, so she personally took Mouse across the street to the kingdom one over. But Mouse didn’t want to relocate. He stopped at the edge of the other kingdom and peered at the sky.

“What’s wrong?” the princess asked. “There are many houses here. One will take you in.”

 “But I won’t know where to hunt,” Mouse said. “I won’t know where to hide.”

“Well, you can’t be homeless in my kingdom,” the princess said, and she clapped her hands to scare Mouse.

Mouse scurried away, and just as the princess was turning back, a hawk swooped from the sky and gobbled up Mouse.

“What a shame,” the princess said, and when she saw a dead squirrel in the street on her way back to The Neighborhood, she felt mad. “Why, that hawk could have had a good meal here! What a stupid, mean hawk!” she said, but then she remembered that her favorite television show was on tonight, and she forgot about Mouse and the dead squirrel.

The next day she woke up feeling happy, as she could hear the Park Ranger’s lawn mower in the distance. But soon after, Fox came to the princess with someone else who was in trouble.

“This is Rabbit,” he said. “Mr. Persnickety is angry because Rabbit’s children have been eating his flowers. But Rabbit has ten children, and they are all starving.”

“Don’t you eat rabbits?” Bear said, and Rabbit’s foot began to thump.

Fox scoffed. “Rabbit must feed his children, or they won’t be fat enough for me to eat.”

The princess was sympathetic. “Don’t worry, Rabbit!” she cried. “We will take you to the Park Ranger, and he will know what to do.”

So, Bear, Fox, Rabbit, and the princess went to the path that led down to the park, and just before they stepped onto the path, Fox pointed his snout toward the other path instead.

“Princess, there’s the path that leads up. Don’t you think we should go that way today?”

“Oh, no, Fox,” the princess said. “We need help from the Park Ranger. And anyway, that path still looks very dark.”

Fox swished his tail and said, “Humans rely too much on their eyes. If you had better ears, you would know what to do.”

Then they went to the park and found the Park Ranger standing at the edge of a pond. The Park Ranger said, “Look, Your Highness, doesn’t the park look great? I am draining the pond. When I’m finished, there will be nothing left but clean, beautiful mud.”

“Thank you,” the princess said. “But I need your help. You see, Rabbit here has ten children, and they are eating The Neighborhood’s flowers.”

“Why, that is a problem,” the Park Ranger said. “Because you see, I made a law that only people born in The Neighborhood may have children here.”

“I was born here,” Rabbit said.

The Park Ranger pointed at Rabbit without thinking. “I made the rule, and I can tell you what it means. You are a Rabbit, not a person.” But he smiled at the princess. “Fill Rabbit’s hole with dirt tonight, and he’ll be forced to move to another place where people won’t care where he was born or what his children eat.”

The princess trusted the Park Ranger, so she filled Rabbit’s hole with dirt, and then, because she was kind, she personally took Rabbit and his family to a kingdom two over from hers.

Rabbit seemed bewildered at the edge of the new kingdom, and he stared at the grass.

“Go on,” the princess said.

“But we have no hole here,” Rabbit said, “And we don’t know where to eat.”

The princess needed to return home, so she clapped her hands hard to scare Rabbit. He bounded away with his children behind him, and just as the princess was turning back, a snake slithered out of the grass and ate Rabbit’s youngest child.

“What a shame,” the princess said, and when she saw another dead squirrel in the middle of the street on her way back to The Neighborhood, she’d had quite enough.

Fox and Bear were talking to a living squirrel on the other side of the road.

“Hello, Princess,” Fox said. “Have you met Squirrel? He leads his friends across the street, so they can go to the park and find nuts to eat.”

Bear pointed at the dead squirrel in the road. “But they’re suicidal squirrels! They don’t even look before they cross!”

The princess saw that Squirrel was twitching strangely. “Are you very well?” she asked.

“I would be if I had your unlimited supply of nuts!” Squirrel responded, but he sounded less than stable.

“Why don’t you come with me, Squirrel?” she said. “We can talk to the Park Ranger and see if there’s a solution.”

Bear, Fox, Squirrel, and the princess went to the path that led to the park, and just before, Fox pointed at the uphill path, and said, “We need to try going that way.”

The princess was too tired to indulge Fox, though, so she said, “We’re going to talk to the Park Ranger.”

Fox narrowed his eyes. “Humans are not very smart. If you had more sense, you would come with me up the other path. That’s where I’m going.”

So, Fox went up the other path while the others went to see the Park Ranger. This time, the Park Ranger was shooting birds down from trees, and he greeted the princess as he blasted a blue jay. “Your Highness, look! That was the last one. Nothing unwanted lives in the park now. Isn’t that perfect?”

“Yes, it’s quite good,” the princess said. “But I really need your help. The squirrels keep trying to cross the street to get to our unlimited supply of nuts in the park, and they’re always getting hit by cars on their way! It’s truly insane!”

“I can fix that,” the Park Ranger said. “I made a law that only sane creatures can live in The Neighborhood. I made it just now, and I can enforce it by building a very tall hedge.”

“You make, interpret, and enforce the laws?” the princess asked.

“It only makes sense,” Bear said. “And it’s a good thing, because Squirrel has run away!”

The princess didn’t want insane squirrels loose in her kingdom, so she acted fast. She ordered all the adults and children to build a hedge around The Neighborhood.

In almost no time, there were no insane squirrels, no homeless mice, and no rabbits eating flowers in The Neighborhood either, and the park was practically utopia.

But still the adults complained, the children bullied each other, hardly anyone went to the park, and the only one who seemed happy was Bear, who was growing suspiciously fat.

So, one day, when the princess felt miserable enough to be brave, she decided to walk up the path Fox had walked. She walked until her feet were blistered. The sun came through the trees and burned her skin, and she was hungry but couldn’t find anything to eat.

At the end of the uphill path, she found Fox.

“Princess,” he said. “What have you done?”

“I took the other path, like you told me to do,” she said. “But I’m blistered, burned, and hungry now.”

“If you’d come earlier, you’d have been healed and fed by creatures here who like to help each other,” Fox said. “But recently, we’ve had an influx of unwanted creatures from The Neighborhood, and no one is available to help you.”

“I’ll go home,” the princess said.

“Oh, no,” Fox said. “The Park Ranger is king of The Neighborhood now. Haven’t you heard? They burned down your castle.”

The princess said, “Then what can you do for me?”

“I’ll take you to the kingdom one over from this one,” Fox said.

So, Fox took the princess to a new kingdom, and the princess couldn’t see anything evil there, but still, she did not want to enter. Fox, however, had hunting to do and no time to waste on foolish princesses, so he bit her calf, and she ran into the new kingdom.

Then a wolf who had been hiding nearby smelled blood, and in one quick snap of his jaw, the princess became a good meal.

“What a shame,” Fox said.

The end.